Cultural

The Turfman from Ardee

For the sake of health I took a walk
One day at early dawn.
I met a jolly turfman as I slowly jogged along.
The kindest salutations passed between himself and me
When first I got acquainted with the turfman from Ardee.
We chatted very freely as we jogged along the road.
Said he ‘Me ass is tired, and I want to sell my load,
For I’ve had no refreshment since I left home you see,
I’m wearied out with traveling.’ said the Turfman from Ardee.
‘ Your cart is racked and worn, my friend, your ass is very old,
It must be twenty summers since that animal was foaled.’
‘ He was yoked in a trap when I was born, September ‘83,
And he cantered for the midwife.’ said the Turfman from Ardee.
‘ I own my cart, it must be made of the very best of wood.
I believe it was in use in the time of Noah’s flood.
The axle never wanted grease but one year out of three.
It’s a real old Carrick axle.’ said the Turfman from Ardee
‘ I often do abuse the beast with this old hazel rod,
Although I own I never did drive poor old Jack unshod.
The harness now that’s on his back was made by John Magee
Who’s dead these two and forty years.’ said the Turfman from Ardee
We talked about our country’s woes and how we were repressed
The man we sent to Parliament toget our wrongs redressed
‘ Sure all these politicians are nothing else you see
but led by bloomin’ humbug.’ said the Turfman from Ardee.
Just then I heard a female voice that I knew very well,
Politely asking this old man his load of turf to sell.
I shook that horny hand of his and bowed respectfully,
In hopes to meet some future day the Turfman from Ardee